There are times in life when we struggle on our own.
We may feel down, lonely, depressed or may be suffering from a medical issue.
These are the times that we need to reach out to our family and friends for help.
Sometimes it is hard to ask simply because so many of us like to be independent but asking for help from our support system at these times is important.
No person can do everything by themselves.
We all need a friend or two to help us through those times when we are struggling with being alone.
Get Help from Those Around you When you Feel Lonely
Loneliness is something that affects many people, yet we do not always see it or understand it.
We think that loneliness means sadness because someone is alone all the time and without friends or family support when in reality its an invisible problem that does not actually apply to just those who are physically isolated.
Many people who are lonely can be surrounded by family and friends, their peers or coworkers and still feel alone.
While loneliness is often hidden from people, there are subtle signs when someone is suffering from it.
If you are feeling sad it may show outwardly, you may not be sleeping well, you are hostile, have sudden weight gain or perhaps your interactions with others come across as abrupt.
There is also the chance that you are always feeling tired due to the lack of sleep and emotional stress.
If you have some of these symptoms or know someone who does, it could be caused by loneliness.
You do not have to feel alone.
It is important to try to reach out for support from friends and family or if its someone you know that is suffering, offer your support to them.
No harm can come from reaching out.
It is important to name what you are feeling.
Do not feel scared or ashamed, by naming how you feel, you can start addressing it once you admit what it is.
Denying how you feel only perpetuates the feeling and makes it worse.
Once loneliness is acknowledged then you have to figure out what to do next.
Addressing loneliness is not a quick fix as it can be caused by many things but reaching out for support no matter what has created the loneliness is important.
Getting support from friends or a loved one can make a big difference as you begin to deal with it.
Leaving the House
If you are not quite ready to ask for help, then try and make some small gains to head in that direction.
If you are lonely, you may need some practice with building your social skills to build your self-confidence up so you can begin to build relationships with people to help you out of your loneliness.
Start small and build on each success.
When you go out, try to:
- Look people in the eye and smile. It takes nothing to smile at people.You would be amazed at how it can change not only the person’s day but yours as well.Maybe the person you acknowledge is struggling with being lonely too and will enjoy feeling like someone knew they were worth smiling at.
- Give someone a compliment. Part of loneliness stems from not feeling like you are connecting with people.By engaging with a simple hello and giving someone a compliment will make you and someone else feel better.We have become a society of people who are afraid to make connections and live in lonely times.Extending a pleasantry will help you feel better about breaking the ice with people and perhaps you will begin to feel more comfortable asking for help because you have already begun to interact with others.
- Start a casual conversation – Asking someone a question about a restaurant or item you are looking for is part of everyday life.Maybe a cashier, waitress or salesperson just needs someone to ask how they are today.Making light conversation will give you further self-confidence to start working towards more in-depth talks with those who can help you not be alone.
Small Steps
If you are struggling with loneliness, you may just want to do something small to start with.
Reach out to a close contact who you think will understand and do their best to help.
Maybe a co-worker or someone you see on a regular basis.
Ask them to do something that you would normally do.
Nothing special or too much.
Maybe go together to a sports event or shopping, spend an afternoon hanging out and watching movies.
It does not have to be a huge social project.
Once you go out for the first time, maybe you will feel comfortable making it a more regular event.
Grocery shopping once a week, catching a movie on a cheap ticket night or just chatting over a coffee every week or so.
Reaching out does not mean you need to be included in something overwhelming but finding a level of interaction that you are comfortable with, something that will make you feel connected.
Some people’s loneliness comes from low self-esteem so finding someone you can stay connected to is important in making you feel worthwhile.
You may be wary of social interactions but finding someone who enjoys doing things with you, be it, family or friend, will not only build your self-esteem but hopefully alleviate some of the loneliness as well.
Find a Listener
Many who are lonely often just need an ear once in a while.
Take a look at the connections you may already have.
There are often people who we have in our lives such as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other family, friends or acquaintances who would gladly help us out and listen.
It may be really easy to find a person who will listen to what’s troubling you and not be judgemental.
This goes both ways though.
If you are feeling lonely and reach out to someone you think will be a good listener, be a good listener for them too.
This gives and take may help you build a new friendship or a stronger relationship with a family member.
Being a person who listens well means you are doing more than just nodding as they speak.
You are hearing what they are saying and can make a person feel worthwhile.
This feeling may become mutual so you can both lean on each other.
Do your best to listen without interrupting and hopefully they will do the same for you.
If you learn to listen well, show an interest in the other person you may find you begin to build a lasting friendship that will alleviate your loneliness.
It does not take a lot of effort to ask someone to come for a coffee or dinner out and certainly, you have nothing to lose by beginning a conversation about your struggles.
Maybe they will open up to you as well and by hearing what each other says, you will counsel each other through a tough time.
Enjoy Doing Something You Love
If you are struggling to reach out to people, then try doing something you really enjoy helping you connect with others.
If you are feeling socially isolated, then maybe its time to take a step out and ask someone to come do something you love with you.
A game of golf?
Maybe a movie so you do not have to socialize too much?
Maybe a music event.
What are your passions?
Participating in something you love may make being with others easier and allow you to reach out for help.
There are lots of things that can offer you any amount of interaction from small to large.
It’s a beginning step to getting help to reintegrate into the world around you.
Get to Know People
If your social circle is small or non-existent then trying to get to know people around you a little bit better may help.
While you may not be comfortable reaching out to people, doing it little by little may help.
You could start with texting or calling someone on the phone, maybe a video call so you are not forced into a social situation before you are ready.
But no matter how you reach out it will allow you to have a conversation where you get to know someone better.
The better you get to know them, the more comfortable you may feel in time to actually go out face to face.
Using social media platforms and video calls may actually help rebuild lost family relationships so you can ask for help when you need it.
When a family shares their struggles it sometimes helps bring them closer together as they begin to feel needed and realize they can support someone they care about.
These electronic formats for communicating can be a good start as they are not as intense as meeting in person.
Once you have reached out for help and support, you may be able to stay in touch and continue to build your support system.
You will slowly become more comfortable as you learn more about them and they learn more about you.
Asking for help this way will be a slow and easier way to rebuild your confidence and lift what may feel like the weight of loneliness.
You can slowly come out of your shell and engage with others on a more personal level.
Maybe it will allow you to help them as well.
We never know who else may be struggling with loneliness.
If you still are not ready to ask for help or engage in some of these steps, here are some other things that may help you get to a point you can ask for help:
Things to Tell Yourself
There are a lot of things that stop us from asking for help.
Our mind plays tricks on us and makes us believe things that are real.
So, try and remember these things as you build up the nerve to ask for help:
- People are not focusing on you – if you ask for help, people are not going to judge you.They have their own lives and things going on.They will be happy to help and support you.Do not spend time worrying about what they think.
- You are not alone in how you feel.Lots of people have felt lonely and alone at some point in their lives.The people you may reach out to may very well understand because they have been there too.You are not the first person who has moved, started a new job or school, struggled with parenting or been isolated from family.Many people will be able to relate to you no matter what the reason behind the loneliness.
- You are good enough – you need to tell yourself over and over that you are worth it.You are too hard on yourself and need to love yourself.Others love you too, but you need to let them show that.
Asking for help in any circumstance is usually not easy but if you are lonely it may be even more difficult.
If you are single and have no family life or someone who struggles to keep in contact with friends and family who live farther away, loneliness can become a significant issue as can asking for help to get through it.
However, you can not just sit at home and feel alone.
Take the steps to that will help you build up the courage to reach out to your family group, social circle or peers.
There are things you can do to help you find the courage to ask for help.
You can work with these people to stay connected and maintain their support so you have it in both the good times and tough times.
It is important that you do not fall back into the habit of being alone.
Make plans for staying in touch, whether its through social media, phone calls, weekly coffee or family dinners.
Maybe join a group that interests you or a service club that engages with others, or set up family gathering that makes you go out each week and engage with people whom you know.
It is important to keep your support system strong and in place so it becomes easy to reach out for help so you will not be alone or feeling lonely.
