Loneliness is a complex emotion that can sneak up on you and leave you feeling alone and isolated even when you are in a crowd.
It can stem from a variety of things such as a change in relationship status or moving homes or jobs just to name a few.
Some people suffer from it for shorts periods of time and for others it can be a more permanent state of mind.
Whether it affects you in the short or long term, there are ways to fight this loneliness and have companionship.
You need to exercise self-care, educate yourself on it and find people to support you.
Loneliness: A scourge of the twentieth century
Loneliness is the plague of the twentieth century.
It is a modern illness that has found its way into both our body and mind.
If we are going to fight the problem of loneliness, we need to know how it affects people and who it is affecting.
Loneliness is a feeling that is often is accompanied by other symptoms such as a feeling of shame, physical illness, isolation.
Society rarely had to deal with loneliness before the 20th century simply because it was not an issue that people encountered or could name.
Up until the 1900s, people relied on each other and that integration alleviated most feelings of being lonely.
People often lived in small villages, had a relationship with God and their family and community was the center of their lives.
This is not to say these things alone prevented all feelings of loneliness, but they certainly played a part in making people feel like they had the support and their relationships held meaning.
In contrast, in today’s society, we now have more single-person households, less and less face to face dealings and the false sense of community we find in social media.
We gaze on other people’s lives from a distance rather than meet people in real-life situations.
Loneliness is a feeling of being marginalized and excluded from everything around us.
It is important to understand that people can be very social but still feel lonely.
Just because people go to work or go out with others does not mean they are not feeling alone.
These people who are social yet lonely often only have surface interactions with others.
They don’t let people get close to them.
There is no intimacy with the people they interact with.
Unlike the pre-20th century, they probably do not have close bonds with their family, neighbors or peers.
Research shows that more people than ever feel that their relationships have little meaning and they feel like they are alone much of the time.
It is important to understand that this feeling of loneliness is not depression or due to shyness.
These are different issues that can be instigators of loneliness but are not the feeling of loneliness itself.
However, both depression and shyness can certainly be intertwined with loneliness to a certain extent along with other mental illness issues such as anxiety.
These various issues can play off one another creating a cyclical problem that needs to be addressed.
The feeling of loneliness will simply continue alongside the other untreated issues if it is left unchecked.
Physical Effects of Loneliness
While we often talk of how this new trend of loneliness impacts peoples socially, we forget that it has far wider implications than just feeling lonely.
It can cause both mental and physical health issues as well.
Being lonely sets off a chain reaction of bodily events.
Being lonely, accompanied by the isolation it brings, triggers changes in the body’s cells that can cause chronic inflammation that leads to major health problems such as heart disease, stroke, cancer and Alzheimer’s.
Studies show that those who are loneliest have a 25% higher risk of passing away sooner than those who are not.
This statistic rose to 32% if they were living on their own.
This shows that a person can be chronically lonely even when living with others.
It is no longer the case of simply worrying because someone has felt lonely but understanding that this ongoing persistence of loneliness means there are many more things to be concerned about when this feeling lasts.
A new century has brought a new set of concerns that surround loneliness that previous generations did not have.
This list is just the beginning:
- Poor sleep
- Dull thought process
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Schizophrenia
- Hallucinatory delirium (in cases of very extreme isolation)
- Cancer
- Alzheimer’s
- Heart disease
- Stroke
Who is Lonely?
The number of people who are lonely is growing and has exploded since the 1960s.
Part of this growth is due to the fact that the number of one-person households has grown.
People are no longer living at home or caring for the ageing generations.
Age is also a factor when it comes to being lonely.
Studies show that teens and young adults along with seniors are the most predisposed to loneliness.
Middle-age is the most stable.
Seniors, which is no surprise, are the loneliest of all age groups.
Families move away, spouses die, and many seniors have retired from the workforce.
They lose personal connections on all fronts which leave them alone with no meaningful relationships.
Loneliness has become such an overwhelming societal issue; Britain has actually created a cabinet ministers post with the title “Minister for Loneliness”.
Fighting Loneliness and its Effects
Loneliness is a societal problem that needs to be addressed.
It is not only hard on the individual who suffers from it, but it also has cost implications in the health care system.
It is important to address how to fight loneliness not only from the individual’s point of view but from societies as well.
Here are some things that can be done by people of any age who are trying to overcome loneliness in this current era:
- Do not spend all your time alone.While being with people is maybe one of the last things you want to do when you are struggling with loneliness, it is actually a help.
Social isolation will not solve the problem.
If you are not comfortable with letting people be close to you emotionally, then you have to figure out where this tendency is coming from.
Maybe you are afraid that people will not like you when they get to know you.
The problem with this way of thinking is that it keeps you hidden away and there is no opportunity for anyone else to challenge the negative self-image issues you have created in your mind.
Your feelings are the only ones present and not always accurate.
While self-reflection is always good, another’s input is important.
We have become a society who praises those who can tough it out and make it on their own over those who lean on others for support.
We have been falsely taught over the past few generations that needing others means we are weak and only to lean on ourselves.
Unfortunately, this mindset has led to more than one generation of lonely people who refuse to rely on anyone for anything.
- Try and do something new.Find a group where the focus is not as much on people as it is on a hobby or event.
If you find a group such as a book club, hockey team, choir or art group you will find it much easier to talk to others.
You will find many who hold the same interests as you and will have the added benefit of using the hobby as a conversation starter.
Joining a group that has meaning for you often means you will feel good about being there and enjoy the time interacting with others around it.
It will help you connect with people at your own pace rather than feeling forced to be friendly.
We are so often busy with work and our day to day lives, we forget to sit and enjoy the things we love to do.
We are a generation that has made being overworked a status symbol.
- Love yourself more than anything.If you are someone who struggles with chronic loneliness you may be afraid of being close to others simply because you think you are not good enough.
This means you need to take steps to care and love yourself.
Not everyone had the perfect childhood and perhaps the feeling of being alone was instilled when you little but that means you need to work hard to overcome this.
We are no longer living in a time where extended family always steps in when families struggle.
The old adage, “it takes a village”, no longer exists.
This means you need to start treating yourself well even when feel you do not deserve it and begin building your own community and support systems.
This is also a place where you can get support from the health care system.
Go to your doctor and get referred to a good counsellor or support group who can help you learn to overcome the past and love yourself like you deserve to be loved.
- Learn about loneliness.Loneliness is not simply a feeling; it is a problem that can affect your mental and physical well being along with your life overall.
Understanding the illness of loneliness means you can begin to deal with it.
It is important to know that loneliness is much more common than we think and that those who are feeling isolated are far from alone.
Join a support group, see a counsellor, try and break the cycle of loneliness that is keeping you from enjoying your life to the fullest.
- Try to build a support system.Even having one person to share things with can alleviate feelings of This can mean reaching out to a family member, therapist or perhaps an acquaintance who you work to have as a friend.
Being lonely means reaching out is often a difficult thing.
However, it is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
It will help bring you out of your solitude and break the cycle of silence and hiding feelings.
Opening up allows you to understand from others you are worthy and that you matter.
Unlike previous centuries, we are in a hurry to begin living alone away from our families, to start our grown-up lives.
We lose our social support systems quickly and need to find a way to rebuild them.
- Work on the body, mind relationship.We so often think that being lonely is all something that happens in the mind but in reality, it is part of our physical life as well.
We are given medications for this and that without looking at other approaches that can help through the body.
Massage therapy is known to reduce loneliness.
There are many people who have no companionship or social interaction for days at a time and this means there is a lack of touch in someone’s life also.
This can create a profound sense of loneliness.
Along with massage, music and dancing can help with loneliness, this has been proven with programs that bring seniors together to sing and dance.
Unlike in decades past, our seniors are often forgotten in senior living facilities and alone as families move farther away or work long hours.
Older people do not get the opportunity to enjoy close family and friends’ company as they would have in years gone by.
Society needs to foster these types of positive activities to help people who feel alone and isolated gain more mental, emotional and physical wellbeing and lessen the amount of loneliness experienced.
- Along with touch, food is another way to alleviate loneliness.Before the mid-1900s, people had their meals together, there were community picnics, Sunday family dinners and more.The rituals around cooking and eating as a family and community were important and held off the feelings of loneliness now found in people of all ages.Breaking bread with others helps bring a sense of togetherness for all.It’s a way to build relationships, keep family ties strong and make friends with those around the table that you don’t know.We have lost this joy around meals with busy workdays, kids crazy schedules and families living hours if not countries apart.
People are social beings and we need a connection on many levels.
Without being connected to others physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually we can fall into loneliness.
The world swirls around us with people but none of whom we connect with.
Individuals and society need to work on connecting with others through our bodies and the mind to alleviate loneliness and its effects.
I am Looking for Psychological /Medical Help
When you know your loneliness is becoming too much and it is affecting your mental, emotional and physical well being then its time to get some professional help.
Looking for phycological/medical help is a big step but not a complicated one.
This type of help can be found through your family doctor.
They will be able to gauge the severity of the issue and if a counsellor, phycologist or psychiatrist would be helpful.
As loneliness can often be tied to other issues such as anxiety and or depression, it is important that the correct assessment is made, and help is found.
Many doctors may work with medications but seeing someone who is a specialist is good as well.
The doctor can make a recommendation for a support group or write a referral to a specialist.
No matter the path is chosen, talking to the doctor first will get the help needed when it comes to loneliness and its fallout.
I’m Looking for a Self-help association
When loneliness is acknowledged finding ways to alleviate it is important.
While seeing a Doctor is a helpful step, it is not one that is always simple for each individual.
Finding a self-help group may be more beneficial overall.
Finding a group is not difficult in larger cities, as many mental health associations have them and can give you information about where and when they take place.
There are also online support groups that offer the same self-help an in-person group would.
The internet is the first place to look for places that may be of interest.
It will pull up the associations that have groups and how to be in touch.
Self-help groups will offer support while offering steps to help alleviate the loneliness that is being so prevalent.
Talking to friends and family
Feeling lonely is not always because of a lack of people to hang out with.
Most of the time, loneliness is a symptom of depression and anxiety, which causes us to self-isolate.
So often we make plans to hang out with friends & family, only to find excuses and cancel them.
If you feel lonely, you must come forward to your loved ones.
Tell them about your problem and ask them to make the first step.
They will reach to you faster than you will reach to them.
It might sound like cliché, but the first step in escaping the bourdon of loneliness is trying to surround yourself with people as much as possible.
You might feel uncomfortable at first, but it will get easier.
